Gone Goiter

My sister-in-law, Rachel, asked if I can see a difference yet or if my neck is still too swollen from the surgery.  I had a huge goiter taken out on Wednesday; my surgeon told me she wasn’t surprised I felt bruised when I told her I felt like I had had a football team smash into my chest.  She said the goiter was so large she had to pull very hard.  (I can’t really imagine what she meant – did she rip it out with her two fists? Legs braced against the table with sweat pouring off her brow??)  Who even gets a goiter in this day and age??

I tried to shrink the goiter on my own for the past three years – with acupuncture and increased doses of kelp (iodine) and lots of work on expressing my voice. The thyroid is in the throat chakra and I had used the goiter as a reminder to speak my voice, which starts with knowing my voice first, and often that is the greatest challenge.  But the goiter was growing and one endocrinologist (I saw a couple in my effort to find one who didn’t go immediately to surgery) said I should have the surgery while I am young and healthy.  Oh flattery will get you everywhere.

This Spring it had grown noticeably larger and my necklaces were getting tighter.  And I had reached my family deductible in my insurance – perhaps the most motivating factor!

After Rachel’s question I studied my neck in the mirror, and yep, there was my skinny neck looking slightly raggedy and tired.  And I realized I kind of miss the smooth swelling of the goiter that had taken up residence in my thyroid.  My neck looks kind of sad and lonely now, shriveled and less important. I have the challenge to find and speak my voice without the external reminder of the goiter.  A friend wondered aloud what negatives I could send out of my body with the removal of the goiter and I replied,  “the hostile negative introjects”.  Although it was daunting to think of them gathered all in one place (power in numbers) I tried to picture them being whisked away with the fiber of the goiter.  And with what shall I replace them in this space now?  I wrap the blue silk scarf my son brought home from Israel years ago around my neck and it sits in soft bundles, gentle on my skin.  May there be space now only for compassion tenderness acceptance joy.

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5 Comments

  1. ok, laughing at the two-handed leg-braced sweating pulling out of the goiter! And OUCH. And the scarf. Something about the scarf has captured my attention, my feelings. mmm.

    Reply
  2. melody schaper

     /  June 23, 2012

    Beautiful Tina. Yes, beautiful Tina. You are beautiful. Your whole being is full of tenderness, compassion and love. With, or without a goiter.
    I love your being and am blessed to know you in this space we call life…..

    Reply
  3. Blessings to you! I have a goiter and have for years plus quite a few benign nodules. I was just bracing myself for the annual FNA’s when I got the call yesterday that the ultrasound showed no changes in them this year (quite a challenging one in our lives), so no aspirations are necessary!!! 😀
    My bloodwork is still normal, so I hate to take it out.
    Keep using that voice. I’m sure it is Beautiful! {{hug}}

    Reply
    • Jude, thank you for writing and I am glad to hear your goiter is holding steady! Wear lots of blue and speak your voice; I hope you can avoid the surgery!

      Reply
  4. Carolyn Bergey

     /  June 27, 2012

    Tina – what I love about this post is how you capture the essence of learning how to speak your voice. You are one amazing artist who shares herself through writing. What a gift to read this today – THANK YOU!

    Reply

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